How To Eat Like A Pig And Lose Weight

Here I am at another one of those just-before-Christmas parties, eagerly awaiting the food to be put on the table, the lids on the trays to be lifted, and even though I've been munching on hors'oevres for an hour or more I'm famished. The smell of the food is overwhelming!

For a couple of weeks I was eating at various breakfasts, luncheons, and dinners, feasting at homes and dining at halls, stuffing myself outdoors at barbeques, everyplace I went there was food and more food.

Then Dawn was here for a couple of long weekends, and WOW, can that woman cook! She thinks that I'm too thin. Way too thin. All women seem to think that. They've always thought that. I got to eat her yummy home cooked gourmet specialties, and then she filled a bunch of Tupperwares for my freezer. Last night the microwave heated her spaghetti and meat sauce and tonight my bowl is overflowing with her thick pea soup rich with carrots, potatoes, and generous chunks of ham.

It seems that after a brief after Thanksgiving hiatus all I've been doing is eating for the past three weeks. This morning I got on the bathroom scale after my shower and it confirmed what the scale at the Publix supermarket told me a few days ago. Somehow, with all those calories I've taken in, I've managed to lose 7 or 8 pounds since mid-December! How? Damned if I know. If I did I could make a fortune writing a book and holding seminars. Or maybe I'm not really kidding when I tell people that I teleport the calories to the nearest female?