Why I Stopped Getting Haircuts

A few years back when Scott asked me to help him start the North Miami Historical Society my first reaction was "OMG! Not another meeting to attend every month!" but he was persuasive, and then we were both persuasive, and we managed to drag a number of others with us, deeper and deeper into the mire of our city's convoluted history. We still haven't managed to get any young folk interested in joining, but give them time. They'll get old too, and then they'll be begging to be let in to The Inner Circle.

Last week we had our annual luncheon at the Czech Club, a beautiful 1920's vintage buildig set back in what little remains of woods within the city limits. At some point somebody decided that air conditioning was more important than architectural integrity, which accounts for the out of place looking dropped ceiling hiding the ductwork in the foreground. Directly below you can see the table holding various items for the silent auction.

The entertainment was scheduled to interrupt our coffee and desert, and all I wanted to do was go outside and have a cigarette by then. I was polite though,and watched as these four gentlemen did their best to to imitate a barbershop quartet. If barber shop quartets still existed in the real world that would be reason enough to avoid barber shops! Well, I'm not suffering from a thinning top or a receding hairline, and I haven't had a haircut in over six months. I get a lot of guys asking what my secret is. I put on a straight face and tell them matter of factly "You gotta smoke lots of pot and screw lots of young chicks!" Some of them might even believe me.

Now see that group of ladies on the right side of the picture? They're about the right age where I can consider them to be "young chicks", and they're the ones married to the balding guys with big paunches. Women that age are always fawning over my hair. They ask if they can touch it, maybe even run their fingers through it (to see if it's real?) and they ask me what my secret might be. "I don't drink and I like to put a smile on a lady's face". They all believe me.