Hey! Take A Look At My Nuts! (both of them)

I seem to attract the most oddball females! But they do fascinate me, no doubt. Janis, in the top pictre, is my neighbor, thin as a rail, stone deaf, and widowed going on two years now. She hasn't gotten past John's death yet. She comes over for coffee and wants my Sunday paper when I'm through with it. Once or twice a week I take her to the drugstore and the supermarket. In this photo she was looking for a new toaster. She's terribly shy and won't let me photograph her so I have to sneak the occasional picture from afar. She always puts on a bit of eye make-up, some lipstick, and asks if her hair looks alright.

In a way, though, it's kind of fun. She reads lips, but getting her attention first is the challenge. People look at us funny when I yell "Hey Janis!" good and loud, but they catch on fast when they see her turn her head, cup her hand around her ear, and reply "What did you say? I can't hear you!"

I met Janie at an outdoor last-Friday-of-the-month free jazz concert outside of city hall. She thought it was great that I was Jewish. I've never dated Jewish girls. She was living in an apartment building a few blocks away, the same one where my ex, Claudia was living when I first met her a couple of decades ago. Seemed safe enough, right?

What I didn't know was that the apartment building was now a halfway house for recovering from whatever they were recovering from type people. Then I discovered that she's fixated on food. She knows by heart the menu of every restaurant around, how giod the food is, what the service is like, the house specialty, and if we should happen to drive by a new place she always wants to check it out. A time or two each week she calls to find out what my plans are for the weekend. In between it's "Let's get together for coffee" and if we do she never shuts up.


Thankfully she moved to a halfway house up near Fort Lauderdale. Now the tavel time and the price of gas is my excuse. She's not happy about it but she accepts it. That doesn't stop her from calling though.